There is a a belief that we are broken, damaged and in constant need of repair.
We’ve learned to be committed to our brokenness, defined by it, live trapped in a cage of our brokenness. Because when we are broken, we must be fixed and someone is ready to sell us the perfect solution.
And when that perfect solution fails? It’s ok that you sucked at the solution, they have another perfect solution to sell you. And another after that. And another after that.
They’ll remind you of how broken you are and keep promising to fix you. When their solutions don’t work, they blame it on you and your brokenness. They are invested in your brokenness. They can’t afford for you to see the truth.
The truth that you are not broken and therefore no one can fix you.
There was a meme going around using the Japanese art form of Kintsugi, mending broken pottery with gold, as an example of being broken and beautifully mended. It’s a lovely thought to imagine, gluing all your shattered bits together in gold lined art. There is a flaw in that idea. For it to be as inspiring as they are trying to make it, you’d have to be broken. You aren’t a piece of pottery. You can’t be shattered in that way.
I know somethings feel like breaking, shattering and falling apart, but it’s the way we change and grow.
Maybe something awful has happened to you. You feel broken. Maybe there is just an ache you can’t quite explain.
You need mending to be made whole again.
I’m calling bullshit on this belief of brokenness. This idea of brokenness is being used as a tool for victim blaming, making us feel powerless, and keeping us stuck in the muck.
Healing isn’t about putting everything back the way it was. It’s about dealing, changing and growing.
We don’t need to be painted up and stuck back into our old shape. After every experience we are are altered. There is no going back.
It’s like shattering a clay bowl, but finding new pieces when you try and glue it back together. You can ignore theose pieces, glue the bowl back into its old shape, but it won’t hold water any more, because it hasn’t been healed.
Or you can add those new pieces in. Your bowl won’t be a bowl anymore, but it’ll do a lot more than hold water.
Needing to be healed, mended or made whole doesn’t mean you are broken, only that you are alive, experiencing life and being changed by that life.
When you realize that, you can fully heal yourself. Doing it yourself doesn’t mean going it alone and doing it by yourself. You can have all the support you need, but the work is still yours to do.