2018 is off to one Hell of a start.

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I’ve been journaling my brains out, clearing space, sorting things out and basically trying to figure out what the frak is going on with my life right now. It’s a mess.

I’d like to blame it all on the job, because I really don’t like it, but the job was really more of a tipping point. Other things had happened during 2017 to help get me to this point.

Since I started this job, the one that was supposed to help relieve financial stress, things have been breaking or things that need fixing have been raising up and demanding attention.

This is both good and bad.

My car has broken down once every week since beginning the job.  A car that we’ve been driving without problems. One that must be in perfect working condition at all times because my job requires I drive clients.

Things with my husbands construction biz that we thought were totally taken care of have popped up as totally not taken care of. Normally this would only be a money stress, but it is currently compiled with other things.

It’s like things festering up to the surface. It’s a bit painful and annoying, but ultimately will make things better.  That is what I keep telling myself anyway.

In the end this experience should clear the way for a better 2018. If I do the work of dealing with all of these things, it’s less likely a hidden or forgotten thing will stay that way and become a bigger problem later.

I don’t know what I’ll do about the job. I’m still working on figuring out how to spend all day there & still have time to make art and sell art. And kicking myself for not listening to the red flags my intuition was sending me about this job. This job is one of the things I have to deal with. Either things are just messy while I adjust or everything that has been going wrong is a sign to cut and run.

At this point, it is costing me more to go to work than I’ve been paid. It has been the last straw before everything has gone totally sideways. If I weren’t stuck paying for my mom’s car (that I can’t drive because it needs fixed) I wouldn’t stick with this job at all. I sucking the life out of me.

To help deal with this drain, I’ve been journaling and practicing plugging into my bigness. It’s been hard. My bigness isn’t happy with the way things currently are and wants something different. I’m not sure how I’ll get to that different thing, but I will.

Part of figuring that out has been making a list of product/offering ideas. Some I already do and some I might do. It isn’t a long list. It doesn’t currently pack much Hell Yes. My bigness demands Hell Yes. 

She has also decided that ebooks are very unsexy. So that’s one idea that is crossed out.I’m going to keep painting and writing, getting better at those two things, and see where that leads me.

Everything will have to pass the Hell Yes test. If it’s not a Hell Yes, it’s not happening. One Hell No job is enough.

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