Category: WTF Did I Just Read

WTF Did I Just Read: Abduction

WTF Did I Just Read is a regular-ish feature all about all the fuckery in romance & erotica fiction. I read this shit so you don’t have to.

 

One of the most disturbing trends in romance/erotica to me, is abduction. Not the role playing between consenting adults either.

To be honest, I haven’t actually been able to finish one of these stories. They are so fucked up. They seem to be popping up more and more in paranormal romances. I’m not sure how often this theme shows up in other genres.

The theme goes like this:

Woman is abducted, forcefully taken somewhere against her will.

The abductor, whether he’s done the deed himself or hired someone, is in need of a mate and can only accomplish this by stealing a woman.

The woman is scared/angry and not having any of it at first.

Then by magical means, drugs/spells/potions, mind control or simply wearing her down with his extremely hot body & non stop advances, she falls madly in love with him/his unbelievable hotness.

I have such a hard time with this being a thing being sold to women as hot romance.

You were abducted? Who fucking cares, the dude is hot and has an epic dick. Still not into? We have ways around that. Drugs and/or mind control will loosen that pussy right up. Seriously, he’s really a nice guy with super cock. Everyone knows, a guy can do anything he wants to a woman if he has a super cock. Even if it’s only super in his own mind. 

Let’s be clear on what these stories are saying.

It’s ok if he’s been mean to you, taken you against your will, drugs and manipulates you, and cut you off from your family and friends. This is hot, sexy, and the only way you’ll find love, loser.

This harmless bit of fantasy, grooms us and prepares us for abuse in real life. It teaches us that this is what it is to be desired and loved. It reinforces negative gender roles.

One of the reasons women read romance and erotica is for the fantasy of a perfect man. What does that say about us and our society when that perfect man is an abuser wrapped up as hot sex machine?

Is it ok for your man to drug you if he fucks your brains out afterward?

Is it ok that he cuts you off from family and friends if he eat pussy like a god?

What if he hits you?

What about the moment he goes too far and you end up dead? Was the sex worth it?

In fiction these abductors always turn out to be great guys that just had some bad luck meeting women or are also being forced against their will to follow tradition. It’s a nice cop out. It let’s them off the hook for their abusive behavior.

You know we’re not supposed to hold abusers responsible for their actions, right? (WRONG!) It let’s them be abuser & savior at the same time. Win for asshole dudes everywhere!

WTF Did I Just Read: Love Bites

WTF Did I Just Read is a regular-ish feature all about all the fuckery in romance & erotica fiction. I read this shit so you don’t have to.

 

There is a lot of biting going on in romance/erotica. Mainly in werewolf/vampire stories. It’s not what I would call ‘fun biting’ either. It’s a nip that brands the women in these stories as property of the men.

The idea of being owned as a piece of property is really disturbing to me and not at all romantic or sexy.

The women are usually forced into being bitten/claimed/owned by some life threatening or awful circumstance. She may agree to the biting, but it is a decision made under duress when she is given very little choice.

The men doing the biting are portrayed as the nice/good guy, doing all he can to save the damsel in distress. In many stories the events that lead to the biting are the result of his own actions.

His asshat or careless behavior has contributed to what is going on, but the woman is the paying the price. She is a pawn in whatever family/clan/gang/whatever bullshit he has going on.

These stories reinforce the patriarchal teachings that women are property of men, that we have no choices of our own, that we as ‘good girls’ must let the men handle things in whatever way they see fit.

We are props in their lives. Tools for them to use.

Sometimes, the women choose to be claimed in the heat of passion, usually without a full understanding of what being owned entails. She gives into her bodies desires and forgets to use her brain. We all know that when a hot guy is horny for you, no matter how big of a jerk he is, your body wants him and you have no choice but to go with it. Right?

I don’t know. I’ve never had some supernatural hottie try to bang me.

Really this is another sneaky way we are taught to not listen to our better judgment. If a man is good looking, how big of an asshole he is doesn’t matter. Maybe there is something ‘wrong’ with the woman. Like she is ‘curvy’. If you are anything other than the standard of perfection, you should be thankful that this totally fly jack wagon is paying any attention to you at all.

Fuck me. Who is writing this shit and why are we so eager to devour it?

Our idea of romantic and sexy is twisted. I’m not talking about people who love being bitten or the ones doing the biting during sex. The biting going on in these stories isn’t about pleasure. It’s about keeping women in their place.

It’s fantasy being used to keep us chained to a reality where women are disposable pieces of property.

WTF Did I Just Read: Thug

WTF Did I Just Read is a regular feature (this is the first instalment) all about all the fuckery in romance & erotica fiction. I read this shit so you don’t have to.

The MC was a young ‘curvy’ (code for ‘fat’ but not really ‘fat’). She connects with the jock she had a crush on in high school. They get to the sex and he’s all you’re so beautiful & she’s all I’m such a fat virgin. And shit I couldn’t even read.

The ‘thug’ in this story is a rich white dude who has the privilege to chose to slum it to avoid is jerk family.

While they are having sex, he tells her he loves her, proposes to her, informs her that he is gonna put a baby in her. And somehow has a ethical non-blood diamond diamond in his fucking pocket to give her. She is so happy and says yes to everything because how could a shy fatty not?

OMFG people. Really?

Sure if you’re ok with fat shaming and a complete suspension of your brain.

But he loves her & she’s getting laid. How can that be a bad thing? Be grateful for that pity sex. Bonus points for rushing to the getting married part, because premarital sex is bad.

This story is supposed to be about a girl who has some bad shit happen to her, but she grows up to be independent and takes care of herself. Hell, she has a ‘dangerous man job’ and goes into seedy parts of town all on her own. Badass right?

No. It’s not safe for women to be out alone. She shouldn’t be wandering around with a man to protect her. To prove this point she is attacked. Which is totally surprising because we know she safely hid all her curvy bits under a trench coat. She is not a slut, y’all.

This also works as a great way for the man she is looking for to swoop in and save her. My Prince! Not that she really needed it. She totally kicked that attacker in the balls. Badass remember.

She doesn’t recognize her savior as the man she is looking for, because of beards. In real life beards work like Wonder Woman/Supergirl/Superman glasses. You put a beard on and no one knows who the fuck you are.

He recognizes her as a girl from school, because she doesn’t have a beard. Just a trench coat, that she’s stuffed her secret hotness into like a brown paper bag.

He tells her has info on the guy she is looking for and she should come back to his place. She’s smart. She hesitates. Then gets over it. It’s totally ok to go home with the stranger who just saved your ass, even if he looks like he has bodies hidden in his beard. Whenever a man rescues you, you must instantly trust him 100%.

I mean, it’s not like he’s a real stranger. Sssshhh she doesn’t know that, only us readers and Mr. Beardy know that.

They go to his creepy dumpy apartment where she realizes this is the man she’s been hired to find, one she knew in high school. Oh the embarrassment of being a fatty in front of your high school crush!

He doesn’t care though. She’s got a cute face.

She is still nervous. Maybe she should leave. Nope it’s fucking raining. When it is raining you have to stay where you are, even if you could be in danger. Women can’t get rained on. We’ll either melt like witches or multiply like Gremlins. Bad business all around.

He starts undressing for no reason other than to continue to be creepy, even though the author keeps telling us he is a nice guy. She doesn’t watch. She is a lady. Not a whore.

It turns out, he needed to change his clothes so she could be totally certain it’s highschool jock boy or some shit.

Now that she knows for sure who he is, everything is totally cool. She kicks her shoes off and sits on the bed with him (bachelor’s don’t have chairs). Everything is totally not sexual and totally safe. It’s made obvious because he is leaning back, stretching out and relaxing. Not tensely perched ready to pounce on her. Not that she’d mind, heh heh the plump little minx.

Anyway, they can’t have sex yet. He needs to save her again so she knows he is a real man and she can keep not being slutty. Que bad guys!

Then there is more rescuing, but she is unconscious to she misses it all. Her state of unconsciousness gives us all another chance to see what a good person he is though, because while he really wants to take her bra off so she can breath better, he doesn’t touch her.

Mr. Beardy is a gentleman, because girls are weird about having their clothes fucked with when they are passed out. He piles a bunch of coats on her so they are both safe from the temptation.

They are in a luxury hotel, because he is disgustingly rich. His family is evil so he’s been living as like a poor dude because he is good. His rich evil family wants him to get married and have babies so they can expand their evil empire.

He is totally against this, but he can’t let his evil brother, who makes Hitler look like a kitten, take over the family fortune. Poor guy can’t get a break. I hate it when you are forced to be horribly rich for the good of all mankind.

She wakes up happy to find herself safe and not raped. She is so glad he saved her. He is so glad her face is pretty and she’s got big boobs, but he has a past. He’s done bad things. Will he still get to see her boobs after she’s learned that he really is bad?

The suspense of this was totally killing me while I was reading.

He confesses his sins. He’s killed. It was a righteous killing, so totally forgivable. Just in case she still wasn’t sure she should have sex with him, his evil twin breaks into their room and points a gun at them. Mr. Beardy handles it like a pro, because he is. He’s trained with some Asian dude he met in the streets. He promptly calls the police, because you can do that when you are a rich white guy.

The police come. She has to explain why Evil Twin is handcuffed, because heaven forbid it is implied anywhere that she might be a little kinky. She is a badass P.I. one of the few acceptable reasons for a unwed woman to be carrying handcuffs. She is innocent and pure like all single women should be.

They finally get to sexy time.

She is nervous. It’s understandable. So she hides in the bathroom, freshening up, ditching her yucky wet panties (heavy petting has consequences like reminding you not to be a such a slut), and giving herself a pep talk. She showers, puts her clothes back on, minus the sin panties, and finally comes out of the bathroom.

They finally get to sexy time.

She lets her big girls out. Which is a polite way of saying fat lady lumps. He drops trow. She nearly faints over the size of his junk. This always makes me imagine dudes modeling whale penises. She is a virgin and giant penises are scary.

She won’t let him take her pants of, because there is no way a guy can know how pants work on fat girls. Removing tight jeans from your fat ass takes practice and skill. So she flops around on the bed like some sort of insane worm.

They finally get to the sexy time.

It’s a quick slam. Wham bam. I love you ma’am. Merry me. I’m sticking a baby in you right fucking now. Have this ethically sourced diamond I’ve been hiding in my shoe or where ever rich dudes that have been slumming it hid their diamonds.

Her body shame is instantly forgotten because a man has just validated her. He proposed so she is safe from the slut shaming she’s been working so hard to avoid. He is rich so she can stay home and be a good proper baby machine.

Lady life goals: Check!