Tag: boundaries

Long weekends kick my ass

It’s been a long weekend. Long in days, four of them, and long in dealing with people.
I don’t really do well with dealing with people too many days in a row. It drains my batteries, even though I have amazing boundaries.
It takes me days more to recharge. It eats into the time I have for doing the things I love, like painting & writing. It makes it harder for me to leave the house the next time I’m required to.
The reason I find these people so draining isn’t because I’m an empath. I’m clairsentient. I’m not absorbing their energy & their feelings.
It’s because I don’t really like people. I hang around people that I’d rather not.
I do energy work on myself to help me get back to feeling myself, but what would be much better is to better manage who I have to spend time with. Sometimes I don’t have much choice.
I do have boundaries set for certain people. I enforce those boundaries. I don’t care if people think I’m a bitch. Good boundaries are good for everyone’s health. It’s not about being selfish or mean.
Managing my energy is something I need to get better at. I spend all winter tucked away at home and forget how much energy work I need to do in the summer.
The first few summer outings always kick my ass because of this.
If you are having a hard time adjusting from winter to summer, there are somethings you (and me) can do to make things go a little easier.
1. Make sure you’re not just hanging out with assholes.
2. Set firm boundaries. Different people may need different boundaries. Make sure everyone has the boundaries they need & knows what your boundaries are.
3. Take a time out. If you need a break from social interactions or obligations, take it. You don’t owe all of your time to other people.
If you are just deciding to do these things for yourself or getting better at doing this for yourself, there will be people who don’t like it.
These people will need more or different boundaries than others. They will push your boundaries. Be firm. Firmness isn’t the same as being mean or a bitch.

Good boundaries are an act of love

I have fantastically strong boundaries. I’ve been building and strengthening my boundaries since I was a kid. Back then I had a lot of spirit help with them. I love my boundaries and couldn’t imagine trying to get through life without them.

Not everybody has good boundaries. Sometimes you don’t even realize that you need them. ( you always need them)

We are currently dealing with some toxic people. Things have been a little crazy the last few days. I’ve had to watch a loving strong family take a sucker punch to the gut.

This is something that I knew would probably happen (though it’s worse that I thought it would get) and at the same time could do little about it until the people involved were ready to be helped. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

Things in this situation have finally reached the point that everyone is awake to what is going on and ready to do the work that needs doing. It has taken years, but even though it all totally sucks ass, I’m so glad this moment is finally here.

I know big changes and transformations are messy and destructive. Old things have to be torn down, so new things can be built. It can be hard to think about that when things are going to shit around you. You don’t need someone telling you to look on the bright side or some other condescending bullshit that invalidates what you are feeling and experiencing. It doesn’t help heal things.

The problem we are currently dealing with has two parts, the toxic people and the toxic environment they created.

The people have been removed from our physical space. I’ve been doing some binding work on them to help keep them from continuing to do harm. I may have to do something more, but I’m waiting to see how things go.

The house and land is going to take some serious work. They’ve taken a home that was once welcoming and filled with love and turned it into a oppressive black hole of suck. I spend maybe five minutes in for the first time in over a year and it was awful. Walking through the front door was like stepping through a thick curtain of oily muck and the space felt all shrinky like the walls and ceiling were pressing down on me.

The people currently living there have been burning sage (so much that it burned my nose and coated my tongue and I had to get outside) and saying affirmations. They are Peace and Love Hippies. They are doing what they can to bring the house back to the home it once was. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to tell them it isn’t enough.

Physically and energetically everything in the house needs cleaned, aggressively cleaned. There are things that need to be forced out and local spirits to be appeased.

It will be the most difficult working I’ve done. I haven’t planned out exactly what I’m going to do yet. I need to talk with the people living in the house and create a plan.

Most of what is going on right now could’ve been avoided if the people involved would’ve set good boundaries. Many people avoid setting good boundaries because they either don’t know how or think that boundaries are mean.

The family that I’ll be working with is very open and loving. They welcome everyone in. It is wonderful, but it also leaves a lot of space for harmful people to work. They don’t need to stop being open and loving to have boundaries.

Good boundaries aren’t about being an asshole to people. Good boundaries are about loving yourself, your family, creating sacred space and taking good care of those around you. Even the toxic people.

 

 

People are batteries too and all the things that drain batteries at the same time.

Long weekends and spending too much time with too many people leave me feeling like a dead battery. Like the one my car had this weekend.

Being clairsentient makes it difficult for me to be around certain people, places or things.

Toss in a holiday weekend and a husband that is a social butterfly and I’m doomed to days of sleeping, headaches and struggling just to get out of bed.

Normally I don’t have to deal with draining people. I’m very protective of my space and have some very hermit like tendencies. Over the last 21 years of marriage, I’ve convinced him it’s better not to have people over to the house for any reason. Some people I can handle. Some people I don’t want anywhere near me or my kids. He has some problems with this because he likes everyone.

Having clear boundaries around people in my life makes me seem like a total bitch.

As women we are supposed to be open to everyone, make space for everyone, put everyone before ourselves. I don’t do that. People don’t like me. I’m totally OK with that. The only problem I have is my inability to explain things to my husband in a way that he understands that my boundaries are about my health and well being, not me just being a total asshole to people.

I’m not here to make people like me or to feel comfortable (not to be confused with giving comfort). Keeping my boundaries is very important, energetically, physically and emotionally. It’s important for all of us, not just those of us that are extra sensitive to such things.

I’m not perfect at dealing with people.  I trust my intuition completely when it comes to people. If someone is giving me red flags, I will automatically set extra bounderies for them and make it clear they have no business being in my space. Total bitch, remember?

There are things that I need to do to recover from too much time being spent with my switch in the On position.

1. Limit human contact as much as possible. Even if it’s only for a 5 or 10 minutes at at time.

2. Get outside.

3. Take a long shower or bath.

4. Sit alone in the dark.

With each of these things it’s important to ground myself, connect with divine/universal energy to recharge and clear away any muck I might have picked up.

You might find other things that work better for you. Test out different things until you find what works for you.

My biggest regret is not explaining things well to my husband. That is something I need to work on. Part of having effective boundaries is helping the people around you know and understand them.

When you are clear on your boundaries it cuts down on misunderstands, feeling threatened and needing defend yourself. Which will fry your energy.

Clear maintained boundaries are good for you and the people around you.