Tag: healing

Delicious fiery destruction of fear.

Burn it down. Rise from the ash.

This keeps repeating in my head. Like a new mantra, but also a message.

A message for me. A message for you.

How do I want to burn? Feral. Wild. Like rum on a fire. Leaving new growth in my wake.

I don’t know what that looks like, yet. I don’t know what container it needs, yet.

I do know it’s a feeling that won’t go away. I thought it would. I thought I could just let things go, do a little painting, a little writing and that somehow, the deep ache would fade away.

It’s not. It’s digging it’s claws in.

I work with fire, tornadoes and raging floods. This is deep work. Hard work. Scary work. This is healing work. It’s the healing that comes from downing a couple of shots, cutting open old wounds, digging out the shrapnel, sterilizing the infection and stitching yourself back together. Then going out for strippers and ice cream.

It freaks me the fuck out. What if I’m not good enough to do this work? What if I can’t escort you through the fire?

If this is how I serve as a Priestess, I must have faith that I can do this work, faith that the Goddesses know what the fuck they are doing.

I’ve been uncertain about where to begin, how to fill this space, but I have to start.

I have nothing to sell you. But I’m burning away. Feverish with desire for the work. I burn for you when you can’t burn for yourself, when your fire has been smothered. Not in a way that keeps your fire from you, but like Bridgid’s sacred flame helping you kindle your spark.

Burn it down. Rise from the ash.

I’m going to be listening to what the Goddesses tell me and doing my best to do what they are asking of me. So this is where I start, with an imperfect beginning.

In the beginning she was formless, flowing, expanding, like lava weeping from deep within the earth.

How do you want to burn?

Being broken is a marketing ploy we need to stop buying into.

There is a a belief that we are broken, damaged and in constant need of repair.

We’ve learned to be committed to our brokenness, defined by it, live trapped in a cage of our brokenness. Because when we are broken, we must be fixed and someone is ready to sell us the perfect solution.

And when that perfect solution fails? It’s ok that you sucked at the solution, they have another perfect solution to sell you. And another after that. And another after that.

They’ll remind you of how broken you are and keep promising to fix you. When their solutions don’t work, they blame it on you and your brokenness. They are invested in your brokenness. They can’t afford for you to see the truth.

The truth that you are not broken and therefore no one can fix you.

There was a meme going around using the Japanese art form of Kintsugi, mending broken pottery with gold, as an example of being broken and beautifully mended. It’s a lovely thought to imagine, gluing all your shattered bits together in gold lined art. There is a flaw in that idea. For it to be as inspiring as they are trying to make it, you’d have to be broken. You aren’t a piece of pottery. You can’t be shattered in that way.

I know somethings feel like breaking, shattering and falling apart, but it’s the way we change and grow.

Maybe something awful has happened to you. You feel broken. Maybe there is just an ache you can’t quite explain.

You need mending to be made whole again.

I’m calling bullshit on this belief of brokenness. This idea of brokenness is being used as a tool for victim blaming, making us feel powerless, and keeping us stuck in the muck.

Healing isn’t about putting everything back the way it was. It’s about dealing, changing and growing.

We don’t need to be painted up and stuck back into our old shape. After every experience we are are altered. There is no going back.

It’s like shattering a clay bowl, but finding new pieces when you try and glue it back together. You can ignore theose pieces, glue the bowl back into its old shape, but it won’t hold water any more, because it hasn’t been healed.

Or you can add those new pieces in. Your bowl won’t be a bowl anymore, but it’ll do a lot more than hold water.

Needing to be healed, mended or made whole doesn’t mean you are broken, only that you are alive, experiencing life and being changed by that life.

When you realize that, you can fully heal yourself. Doing it yourself doesn’t mean going it alone and doing it by yourself. You can have all the support you need, but the work is still yours to do.

Mermaids will drown you to teach you how to swim

In the darkest depths of my soul, swims a mermaid, slick and glistening. Hair wildly flowing, unbound and free. Eyes the color of the storm churned sea and pirate gold. She revels in the way the salty water slides along her skin. She contains within herself all the beauty and terror of the untamed and bountiful ocean. She also has the tentacles of a Blue Ring octopus, she is as deadly as she is divine. ( Some day I will have her tattooed on my skin.)

Because of her I have always been drawn to mermaids. Because of things like Disney and New Age fluffy bunnies, I’ve avoided mermaids as much as I could. I couldn’t stand the shallow softness. I didn’t want to be associated with it. It screams too much of women being mild mannered things. Pretty and silent. Something to be seen, lusted after, but not heard. Mermaids like Disney’s Ariel, are like nails across chalkboard to my inner mermaid. She gnashes her teeth at them.

I am drawn in by their freedom, self confidence, and feral-ness. The patriarchy, no matter how hard it tries, has never been able to tame them. Somewhere inside, all of us house chained mermaids bent on escape and we should set them free. Let them lead us through the dark murky waters of ourselves and find the treasures buried there.

We’ve been lead to believe in mermaids that give away their power for love are good and the ones that don’t are bad. Ariel gives up more than her voice for a chance at her prince. Stories of mermaids drowning men are mainly about mermaids who keep their personal power and are shameless in their sexuality and therefor are dangerous. Women’s strength is something that needs to be feared, bound, owned, and controlled or it will destroy you, at least according to most mermaid tales.

I think while many people are currently drawn to mermaids there is also a lack of depth and understanding about mermaids. People have been trying to shove them in nice little goldfish bowls right next to their unicorns that shit rainbows. In doing so, they are missing out on powerful magicks.

“Woman, know and love thyself.” Said every mermaid ever.

Most New Age teachings have everyone focusing on the Love and Light movement and turning their backs on anything dark or shadowy. It’s like only reading every other chapter in a book. Sure you can get to the end, but you’ve missed half the story, all the really juicy parts too. Many teachings today have us looking up and out of ourselves for improvement, growth, and enlightenment. While it is useful to do so, we miss out on the healing and growth that come from our inner depths.

Water is like a portal to all our emotions, deepest desires, and darkest fears. It is a mirror that shows us our reflection and it isn’t always one we wish to see. The ocean floor is decorated with the workings of our subconscious minds where all intuitive messages are received and then work their way to the surface, so we can make use of them. Mermaids swim fearlessly through this realm. They are confident in themselves and shameless in their femininity and sexuality.

They can guide us, if we are brave enough to follow them into the deep dark places. But they have no interest in shoving you toward the surface if you start to drown. They want you to swim and save yourself. It’s a hard thing for women indoctrinated into the belief that a man must save us to do. Many will calmly float on the surface on a mild sunny day, but never dive down into the ocean’s abundance and flee for the shore at the first sign of a storm, never realizing that under neath the churning waves everything is far calmer and safer than on land.

Treasure chests don’t float. You’ve got to seek that shit out.

Love and Light spirituality would have you believe that every Being is bent on glittering you into enlightenment. If you look at older myths and faery tales, that wasn’t the case. Faery (I believe mermaids are apart of the Faery realms) is full of dark tricky things waiting to teach you hard risky lessons. Important life or death sorts of lessons. I think the New Age movement does us all a disservice by trying to clean away those lessons.

Seek our your inner mermaid. Listen for her rattling chains, give her back her voice, let her swim free and follow her.